


take a look at me now

by fallingthorns



Series: nature of the spine [2]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Can be read as a stand alone!, Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, Established Relationship, Injury Recovery, M/M, PDA, Physical Disability, Post-Canon, psychosocial aspects of recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:00:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27182123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallingthorns/pseuds/fallingthorns
Summary: So he has some issues with attention, which makes going out in public with Richie, who is a bit of a celebrity, even more challenging. He knows that nobody is really overanalyzing them, but he can’t help but feel unworthy next to him and like the whole world has their eyes on them. Richie Tozier’s boyfriend in the wheelchair, said no tabloid ever, but Eddie wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what ran through their minds when they see them.But, suddenly, Eddie doesn’t care that they are in the presence of other people. He doesn’t know if it’s the sun or the alcohol or just the fact that he, for once, doesn’t feel the overwhelming need to cower into a corner at the thought of being seen by anyone other than Richie, but Eddie suddenly wants Richie to kiss him.--1 and 2 years post clown and Eddie realizes that kissing Richie makes him forget about everything else.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Series: nature of the spine [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1770034
Comments: 9
Kudos: 121





	take a look at me now

**Author's Note:**

  * For [richiesthighs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/richiesthighs/gifts).



> THIS IS FOR MY VERY BEST FRIEND JAISE. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAISE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!! He loves this Eddie and PDA equally as much so I combined them into one fic for him <3
> 
> For those who are new to this series, this can be read as a stand-alone, you just need to know that Eddie suffered from a complete spinal cord injury after the clown and now uses a wheelchair for mobility <3
> 
> CW: Alcohol mentions, social anxiety re: public outings

The first time it happens, it’s a surprise to both of them.

They’ve only officially been dating for a few months now, even if it seems like it’s been since the moment Eddie woke up in the hospital. Eddie thinks all that’s really changed is that he can now kiss Richie whenever he wants (in the privacy of their own home, that is), and that he can roll up behind him and press his face into Richie’s back right above his ass without having to explain himself.

So, really, dating Richie does have its perks. And while one of those perks is that he can now kiss Richie whenever he wants, that doesn’t mean that Eddie does, mainly because Eddie has some hang-ups with going out in public.

It’s hard for him to go out and about with the chair. Even if he holds his head up high to show everyone and all the evil fucking space clowns in the world that yeah, he survived, bitch, it still feels like he can’t quite get a grasp of everything when he’s not in the comfort and safety of their home. He still feels uncoordinated in his chair, bumping into corners and shelves; too slow to keep up with a normal walking pace but too fast that he sometimes startles people when he comes up beside them. He hates the sound his chair makes when he turns a corner too fast, the squeaking of the tires loud enough to get the attention of everyone in his vicinity. He hates that everyone has to look down at him since he is perpetually at waist height. He has a solid view of every ass he’s ever encountered, and while he appreciates a good ass as much as the next gay man, it gets a little old after a while.

So he has some issues with attention, which makes going out in public with Richie, who is a bit of a celebrity, even more challenging. He knows that nobody is really overanalyzing them, but he can’t help but feel unworthy next to him and like the whole world has their eyes on them. Richie Tozier’s boyfriend in the wheelchair, said no tabloid ever, but Eddie wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what ran through their minds when they see them.

It’s a Saturday afternoon and Eddie, Richie, and the rest of the Losers are gathered in their backyard. The sun is shining and Eddie watches as Richie laughs at something Stan said, the light highlighting his face as he smiles and making Eddie feel warm inside. Richie has been making everyone cocktails that he’s been experimenting with in the kitchen, and Eddie is on his second mystery drink and is feeling a little tipsy as a result. He doesn’t drink much anymore, can’t really drink more than two drinks due to the array of medications he’s now on, but he wonders if this feeling is more from the love he has for Richie and less about the alcohol.

Eddie reclines in the lawn chair he’s currently sitting in, letting his eyes droop closed as he tips his head up at the sun. The warmth spreads across his face and chest and he lets out a content sigh as he feels a hand rest on his own. He blinks his eyes open, squinting a little as his eyes adjust to the sudden brightness. Richie is crouched down next to him, his hand resting on Eddie’s as he smiles at him.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Richie says softly, his eyes watching Eddie’s for any sign of distress or discomfort. Richie is in-tune with Eddie’s every move, every facial twitch and eye squint. He knows when Eddie is trying to hide pain or embarrassment or discomfort, and Eddie feels his chest expand a little as he thinks about Richie just _knowing_ him like nobody has before.

“No,” Eddie hums in reply, stretching his arms over his head. “Just resting my eyes.”

Richie picks Eddie’s hand up and presses a kiss to the back of it. Eddie’s okay with that; it’s subtle enough that nobody really bats an eye at it, and the Losers are all distracted enough anyway where they aren’t paying attention to them.

He doesn’t know if it’s the sun or the alcohol or just the fact that he, for once, doesn’t feel the overwhelming need to cower into a corner at the thought of being seen by anyone other than Richie, but Eddie suddenly wants Richie to kiss him.

It might be the way Richie is looking at him, all soft lines and sharp jawline, shoulders exposed in his tank top in a way that makes Eddie want to bite them. It might be the feeling of his lips pressed against Eddie’s hand, soft and gentle, the slight press of love onto the dorsum of his hand first, followed by his palm. A quick one-two kiss before he sets Eddie’s hand back down.

Richie knows about Eddie’s issues with attention and being seen. They’ve talked about it over and over, stemming first as arguments before he finally, finally, was able to tell Richie why he didn’t want to go out with his coworkers, why he made Richie go to the store alone, why he would rather have take-out than let Richie take him to a fancy dinner for a date. His whole life changed the moment he was skewered with a clown claw, in more ways than just physical.

And Richie gets it. He still asks Eddie, always wanting to give him the opportunity to join if he suddenly does want to come, but when Eddie says no, he just presses a kiss to his temple and tells him he loves him.

But, suddenly, Eddie doesn’t care that they are in the presence of other people. Even if it’s just the Losers, they’re still outside people that could be looking at them at any given moment.

“Hey,” Eddie says, quietly but sharp enough to bring Richie’s attention back up to his face. Richie’s eyes dart up to meet his eyes and he quirks an eyebrow at Eddie.

“Hi,” Richie replies, soft as he watches Eddie’s face. Eddie moves his hand back to Richie’s and takes it in his own, squeezing once before letting it go and moving his hand to Riche’s jaw. He feels Richie freeze slightly under his hand, his eyes searching Eddie’s as he considers what Eddie’s endgame is.

Eddie’s thumb strokes along Richie’s cheek, his brief stubble scratching gently along the skin on the pad of his thumb. God, he wants to kiss it, wants Richie to kiss him, wants to feel the stubble against the skin of his neck. Who is he if he is not constantly kissing Richie Tozier? He may be a guy in a wheelchair, but he isn’t about to let that fucking stop him from kissing this man solidly on the mouth right this second.

“Kiss me,” Eddie says once the thought of not kissing Richie for a second longer gets to be too much. Richie blinks at him again, and Eddie drags his face closer with his hand still on Richie’s jaw.

“Eds, I know it’s not really public, but there’s – others –” Richie starts, eyes darting around the backyard to look at the other Losers mulling around and not giving them a second thought. “I know you don’t –”

“Don’t care,” Eddie interrupts before leaning forward and pressing his mouth against Richie’s. Richie lets out a hum of surprise against his lips before looping an arm around the back of Eddie’s shoulders, tugging him closer as he kisses him back. Richie hums against his lips, his other hand coming up to cup the back of Eddie’s head and hold his face against his own.

It feels just like it does when they kiss within the comfort of their home, on the couch, in bed, Richie crouched down to Eddie’s height and leaning forward as Eddie kisses him from his wheelchair. He would love nothing more than to be able to kiss Richie upright, but he knows that likely isn’t possible due to the extent of his injury. He would rather kiss Richie like this than not at all.

Richie licks into his mouth and Eddie lets out a small moan, tangling his hand in Richie’s curls and tugging a little. Richie laughs against his mouth but keeps kissing him, and Eddie at this point has completely forgotten that they are in the middle of their backyard with all of their friends.

Until they hear a wolf whistle, that is.

Bill’s the one who does it, pulling them out of their trance and causing Eddie to immediately blush and hide his face in Richie’s shoulder. Richie laughs and presses a kiss to the back of Eddie’s head.

“Shut the fuck up, Bill,” Richie shouts at him. “I’m just showing my man some love.”

“Show him some love elsewhere, asshole,” Stan says from the other side of the yard. “Nobody here wants to see your tongue being shoved into his mouth, Richard.”

Eddie groans and drops his head back onto the lawn chair, hiding his quickly reddening face behind his hands. He feels like he should be more embarrassed, but the lingering feeling of Richie’s lips against his still has him feeling a little lightheaded.

“You embarrassed my Eds,” Richie says, pressing another kiss to the top of Eddie’s head before standing up, groaning as his knees creak after squatting down for so long. “He’s fragile.”

“I’m not fucking fragile and you know it,” Eddie huffs, crossing his arms over his chest, now frowning at Richie and everyone else looking at him. “I survived a fucking clown claw, asshole.”

Richie sobers at that, leaning down again to press a kiss to his cheek. “Sorry,” he mumbles, knowing that Eddie really, truly does not like to be treated like he’s fragile. They still argue, sometimes, about how Richie and everyone wants to walk on eggshells around Eddie, when all Eddie wants to do is be his own person in whatever this new normal is for him. “Didn’t mean it like that.”

Eddie presses another kiss to his lips. “I know,” he says as Bill lets out another whistle at them. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

* * *

The second time it happens, it’s not until much later.

Eddie just started working in the office again. Returning to the real world had been an adventure that was exhausting, but he thinks it helps that he works for the United Spinal Association and that half of the employees there are also people with spinal cord injuries. He doesn’t feel quite as self-conscious around them, and it frankly makes a world of difference when others are close to your eye level. He’s more used to it now, as it’s been an increasing amount of time, and the fact that he is mostly focused on wedding planning these days helps take his brain off of any potential anxious thoughts he has about being in public.

It’s only the second time Eddie has let Richie take him out for dinner, but Richie, as usual, was feeling sentimental and wanted to treat Eddie to a nice evening. Eddie had a particularly good day at work and was actually feeling up for going in public for once, so he allowed Richie to convince him to put on his nice clothes (rather than his usual sweats) and take him out to the nice Italian restaurant just on the corner of their house.

Richie pushes him down the street, chatting behind him as he wheels Eddie along. Eddie ignores some of the curious glances that are sent his way from other pedestrians, choosing instead to focus on the soft tones of Richie’s voice as he tells him about his day and the newest recipe he made for lunch today.

They make it to the restaurant, and Eddie is surprised when the waitress immediately takes them to a table where he can easily slide his wheelchair underneath it without any fussing, rearranging of tables and chairs, or apologies thrown around for not being prepared for a man in a wheelchair. He raises an eyebrow at Richie as he settles down across from him, gesturing at the table with an amused expression on his face.

“I know you hated the chaos when they realized we needed an accessible table last time,” Richie says with a shrug. “So I just told them when I made the reservation.”

Eddie bites his lip as he looks at Richie, wondering how he got so fucking lucky that Richie loves him of all people.

“I just want you to be comfortable,” Richie continues, his cheeks reddening under Eddie’s gaze. “I know it’s hard for you and that you hate the extra attention.”

Eddie knows Richie knows, but Eddie also knows that Richie wants to show him off, that he loves him, that he wants the whole world to know that he is in love with Eddie Kaspbrak, signed, sealed, and delivered. Richie’s whole life is on display, except for Eddie, who keeps to himself and doesn’t go in public and tries to not be seen or observed by anyone.

They eat dinner, chatting casually and sipping on their wine. Eddie wishes he could knock Richie’s foot under the table, one of the many things he wishes his legs could still do. He wants to nudge Richie’s foot, trail his foot up along Richie’s calf until Richie laughs and pulls his foot away. He wants to show Richie how much he loves him and wants him and how much he just fucking _means_ to him.

And that’s when Eddie realizes that maybe he doesn’t care. At least not right at this moment.

Richie goes out of his way all the time for Eddie. They take the long way into buildings for the ramps; Richie calls ahead at restaurants to make sure the table is set up to accommodate a wheelchair. Richie does everything to make Eddie comfortable at all times. Maybe, for once, Eddie can show Richie that he is proud to be with him, too.

Eddie, who is very stealthy, thank you very much, casually drops his phone off of the table.

“Oh, shit,” he says, hoping he doesn’t sound too fake. He reaches down to grab it, thanking the powers of gravity when it is actually out of his reach. He lets out a whine before sitting upright and looking over at Richie. “Help.”

Richie laughs and sets his fork down, setting his napkin on the table before standing up. “I got it, Spagheds,” he says, coming around to the other side of the table and crouching down next to Eddie to pick up his phone. He sets it on the table next to Eddie before smiling at him.

Right as Richie goes to stand up, Eddie grabs Richie’s face between both of his hands and kisses him. Richie lets out a small noise of surprise before kissing him back, smiling against Eddie’s lips as Eddie threads a hand through Richie’s hair and tugs, grinning as Richie groans quietly in response.

“Love you,” Eddie murmurs as he nips at Richie’s lip. Richie chases his mouth again and kisses him just as their waiter comes back to the table.

“Um,” Richie says, clearing his throat. Richie shoots back up into a standing position and shoots back across the table to his seat. Eddie’s hands drop from where they were frozen in place, wrapped around where Richie’s head was not only five seconds prior.

Eddie feels himself blushing as he looks down at his lap. Richie tells the waiter they need a couple more minutes and he scampers off as quickly as he arrived.

“Sorry,” Eddie says once he leaves. “I shouldn’t have – I know – ”

“Eds, you fucking minx,” Richie says with a laugh, reaching across the table to grab Eddie’s hand in both of his. “You fucking choose a nice restaurant for your first real dose of PDA _and_ you manage to traumatize our waiter.”

“Listen, fuckface,” Eddie huffs, stabbing at his gnocchi as he talks. “I’m sorry I just wanted to kiss you, okay, you do so much for me and this dinner was so nice and I just wanted you to know I appreciate it, asshole –”

“Eds. Spagheds. Love of my life,” Richie laughs, squeezing his hand. “I love you. It's all good. It was fucking hilarious and I can safely say you are just as good in public as you are in private.”

Eddie narrows his eyes at Richie as he innocently goes back to his food. He gives him a pointed eyebrow raise before tapping his finger along the back of Richie’s forearm.

“Hurry up and finish and I’ll show you how good I am in private.”

Richie blinks at him and shovels the rest of his food into his mouth. Eddie thinks that he may have a superpower after all.

“Can’t even get dessert, what the fuck,” Richie mumbles as Eddie’s finger trails patterns into Richie’s arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps as his finger passes over Richie’s skin. “Fucking little minx decides he’s okay with PDA and suddenly we can’t even be in public anymore because he can’t stop trying to jump my bones.”

“I literally can’t jump,” Eddie deadpans, and Richie barks out a laugh as he gets his credit card out and hands it to the waiter. “But your point is . . . not inaccurate.”

Richie shakes his head and is out of his seat as soon as the waiter returns with his card. He shrugs his coat on and helps Eddie into his before quickly pulling Eddie’s chair out from under the table and wheeling him out the door.

“You’re going to tip me if you push me any faster,” Eddie laughs as Richie takes up a quick pace on the sidewalk.

“You’re a wizard in the chair, Kaspbrak, you would catch yourself before you were all the way down.”

“You can’t know that, sidewalks are incredibly unpredictable.”

“Then stay in your chair so we can get home faster.”

“You have a fucking one track mind,” Eddie says with a laugh, grinning as Richie runs a hand through his hair as they enter the front door of their house.

“I’m not the one who made moves in a restaurant,” Richie replies as he toes his shoes off before bending down in front of Eddie.

“But it seems like you’re the one that’s going to make moves now.”

Richie kisses him, threading a hand in Eddie’s hair as Eddie groans into his mouth. He fists the front of Richie’s shirt, wishing it would just materialize off of Richie’s body before he loses his mind.

As Richie takes him to the bedroom, Eddie thinks that he probably does still have some issues with being in public. He hates when people look down at him or assume that he can’t do things because of the wheelchair. He hates when people make snap judgments about his abilities just because he can’t walk or stand. He isn’t a fucking fragile and he doesn’t like to be treated as such.

But he loves Richie all the time, and sometimes it’s worth it to show him in public. He can handle a little extra attention if it means showing Richie just how much he means to him.

“Love you,” Richie mumbles as he helps Eddie transfer onto the bed from his wheelchair. Eddie slides back onto the bed, grinning as Richie climbs on top of him and kisses him.

“Love you, too,” Eddie moans as Richie mouths down his neck, and Eddie never feels more alive than he does in these moments.

**Author's Note:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING!!! I've missed writing this Eddie, his is very dear to me.
> 
> You can find me on twitter @edskasper!


End file.
